Jun 30, 06:29 AM: Wisdom (i/iii)

These are from a funny email I got years ago. There are about 30 of them but this is just the first 10. I’ll post more later!

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It’s always darkest before dawn.
So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper,
that’s the time to do it.

Sex is like air.
It’s not important
unless you aren’t getting any.

Don’t be irreplaceable.
If you can’t be replaced,
you can’t be promoted.

No one is listening
until you fart.

Always remember you’re unique.
Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water
with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them you’re a mile away
and you have their shoes.

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Tags: joke, funny, email