Weblog
Feb 3, 03:07 PM: Mitch Hedberg (1968 – 2005)
I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut, man, I’ll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut… end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: “Don’t even act like I didn’t get that doughnut! I got the doc-u-men-tation right here… oh, wait it’s at home… in the file… under ‘D’... for doughnut.”
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that’s real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two two. I would say “Sweet.” And then people would say, “Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?” I’d say, “Just press two for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough.”
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
This shirt is “dry-clean only”...which means it’s dirty.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. “Look at that dead guy. Let’s go that way.”
By the way, you don’t have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be…a thirsty dude! Gatorade forgets about this demographic!
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
