Weblog
May 20, 08:47 AM: Ferocious Attack Kitten
My friend Rachel emailed me this hysterical CraigsList ad and I wanted to share it. Read on!
Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.
This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 9-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from all things evil, including the following:
- insects
- other trained attack kittens
- babies
- toilet paper
- his own tail
- anything under a blanket
- unwanted house guests
- pesky neurology notes
- invisible bed bugs
- floor rugs
- Chuck Norris
- Feet.
Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.
Not yet neutered, but must be. Trust me, you won’t want to him to procreate. Has not been declawed, but you’ll figure that out really fast.
Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear – however he will bite your face off if you try to touch it.
Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens… please be prepared to show scars.
Email for more info
